Strawberry

The soft sting of its knife-like feet piercing through the carbon-fibre floors. I can see it but it’s not there. I can hear it all the time. My vision fixates on the roof above.

Talons opening slits in the shining white material. Perfectly ordered. Perfectly rhythmic yet dulled of all resonance. The door opens and I see the creature. Half robotic and half feline. Like an egg with as many eyes as sharp, spider-like feet. It must hate walking on this surface. It pretends to be inanimate when I’m not looking. I half expect it to pounce but I’ve seen this all before. I could hardly expect something that interesting to happen in this life.

I’m taken to a new set of images. Another frighteningly beautiful yet entirely inept slideshow of sideways horrors. Freckles of Gods face shine but for a second among spots of nothing, all but indistinguishable. The fruits and flavors and pleasures of the world, but never its dangers. Its perils pushed to the back of my mind and slotted away amongst the unfiled drawers. Millions wide and millions across.

Then something familiar. Something to hold onto. The aroma of a fresh strawberry. But not just that. Its pungent sourness dulled perfectly by a puff of cream. Nested among a spongey dessert shell. I can see it, I can smell it. But I can’t taste it. The simplicity leaves me in a perverse kind of awe. Like the fruit of the garden. That singular moment upon which eons of suffering were assured.

Like a night spent between her legs, in the clarity I wonder if it were all worth it. Would I spend lifetimes amongst the fallen for but a moment’s handshake with the divine.

I’m at the doorway now. I’ve been here far too long, scared of what I might lose if I take another step. Whatever is on the other side screams with a delight that I can’t quite trust. But it’s what I’ve always told myself. It’s that truth never quite spoken out loud. That thing gnawing at me from beyond time - the words that always lull me back to sleep. The perfect rationalization to all my life’s hesitations: Salvation and damnation lie on a razors edge.

My ego is off on another tangent. Trying to put it all into words again. I can’t ask it what to do. And so I sit here and I wait for something to break me free. What are prayers if not a formal request for a way out. Maybe a way through? I’ll get back to you on that